This piece of wisdom is based on experience. I first published it on my messages page.

HOW TO ORGANISE YOUR OWN BOOK LAUNCH PARTY

Any aspirant author needs to consider a marketing plan for launching the finished work. Having found a publisher for THE ENGLISH LADY MURDERERS’ SOCIETY, I produced costed plans for the following alternatives, which I offer to the world:

PLAN A – The book launch party

Income – 50 book sales @ £10 = £500

Expenditure –
Cost of 50 books x £6 = £300
Gift to charity: 50 x £2 = £100
Glass wine and nibbles: 100 x £5 = £500
Hire of room = £100
Musician = £30 (drink and drugs extra)

Total expenditure: £1030

Profit/(loss) = (£530)

PLAN B – Reschedule party for 9am, Christmas Day – no one comes – musician too drunk to appear

Income – Nil

Expenditure –
Hire of room: £100
Cost of 50 unsold books; 50 x £6 = £300

Profit/(loss): (£400)

PLAN C – Forget the party, give everyone a book plus £1 to take it away

Income – Nil

Expenditure –

Cost of 50 books x £6 = £300

Carriage : 50 x £1 = £50

Profit/(loss ) = (£350)

PLAN D – Forget the whole idea – tell no one – burn books

Income – nil

Expenditure –
50 books @ £6 = £300

Fire lighters = £2

Profit/(loss) = (£302)

PLAN E – Forget books altogether – forge publishers’ invoice – claim insurance for fake fire – buy drink and drugs with proceeds and sell to musician

Income –

Insurance pay-out on 50 “destroyed” books after £50 deductible = £250

Sale of drink and drugs at 100% mark-up = £500

Total income = £750

Expenditure –

Drink and drugs at cost = £250

Profit/(loss) = £500 (excluding cost of lawyers and prison visits)